Hope is Fading Away

When someone asks where I see myself in ten years, I want to disappear. I usually come up with some vision where I'm driven and it's nice and pleasant, but in reality all I see is a broken woman sitting alone in a cold bleak room, feeling nothing but this dark impending doom. Wondering "How did my life spin so out of control that I ended up here, wondering how she let it all go so far that she realized her fears. What caused me to have such low self esteem? What caused me to constantly rip apart at the seams? I know the choices I made weren't great, but I don't see these situations coming before they're created. I always feared that my life would turn out like it is. She looked for the "real Abbey" for such a long time, and all she found was a dirty girl who cut up her own soul and died inside. Now she can't even hear her friends when they encourage her because she has let too many people put duct tape over her ears and draw signs all over her. She lets the worst people take jagged glass to her heart and kill everything that is left of her and cart it off so she can't even try to glue it back together. She's black and blue and feels like everyone is out to get her. She doesn't know how she got there. Her tears are hot as she stares into the mirror and wishes the years of life back. She stumbles back into a sink full of dishes and hears a crack. Her heart is heavy with all the pain she's picked up along the way. These parts of her that have been slain stay with her every single day. She's impossible to reach; she spent too long on her own. She smiles at everyone she meets, but inside she's still alone.  Now I don't really know what to say. I feel the same way every day. I wish I could say that I know everything will be ok, but I don't even know if I'll make through the week. I know I'll end up very weak. I see the future me as an emotional wreck, who makes everyone want to wring her neck. I don't want to end up like that but I just don't know how to combat. I know I'm running out of time to change the way I'll live, but I can't seem to climb up out of this cage I'm in. I want to look to the future and see a different person, but all I can see is all these problems beginning to worsen. I know this isn't what you want to hear, and I'm not trying to make shed a tear. I'm just trying to be real, I hate making things up just for a good grade. I don't know how I feel,
But I know I'm very afraid. I wish I could say things like other kids, but hope is fading away.