Colorful Graphic

Take a colorful journey with your eyes... I tried my hand at graphics... this is what i came up with.

Males...

I've lost all hope in them. So many times I've been tricked into thinking that maybe, just maybe, this one... just this one, will be different. But it's a lie. Every time it's been a lie. The most recent male had me going more than any guy I've ever met... He was sweet, kind, exciting... He promised me he wouldn't hurt me like the rest did. And yet here I sit, crying over someone I've only talked to over the phone... As if he were the closest friend I had in the world. For a moment he was. But the moment wasn't long.

Just when I had finally gotten over the rest of his kind... he comes along and rolls all of them into one horribly charismatic trap. And now I feel as if this darkness is going to stay over me forever. Most people would grow thick skin and get over it. Some might even hold a grudge. But me? No... My heart is permanently soft. Unchangeable. I will never ever stop caring for them. I love them. Crazy? I don't know. All I know is that no matter how hard I try, I can't stay mad at them. If any one of them were to come up to me now, and apologize and go through the same motions all over again... I'd fall for it again. I'm stuck in this cycle of distasteful males... it never ends. There are too many never-ending cycles in my life. This is the worst of all... I shouldn't be able to trust anyone after what I've been through. I suppose I still can't. But put this ridiculous blind faith in anyone who gives me a compliment or a hug. I'm hopeless...
My heart hurts... I feel dead. And yet there is still a single thread of hope connecting me to the male who caused all this. The thought that he might come running back... keeps me from staying mad or angry... keeps me from seeing the truth, that all he can give to me is hurt. Hurt. There is always hurt. Always sorrow. Always sadness... Always. Even when I am happy it is there lurking... just looking for a reason to chase away all the happiness. And it always succeeds.
So what now? I have no hope that any boy will ever truly be there for me, or love me, or care about me as much as I do. And yet I know this cycle will still repeat itself many more times before the end. And every time will be a deeper cut than before. Until finally one day I will eventually fade...

Beautiful Inspiration

Why is it that when we are alone, our minds come up with the most fantastic ideas and thoughts. One line from a movie, one lyric in a song, one amazing sandwich, or one simple photograph… All are capable of sending the human mind into a series of inspired thoughts. With one simple word, someone can change their entire perspective on life. And not only are we inspired by these simple realizations, but they push us to create, to express, to somehow convey to someone this new found genius that is racking our brains. There is no greater torture than that of having no way to express one's self. To have to sit there and just wait until the thoughts leave your mind, unable to stop the inspiration from slipping from your fingers. Many of us think that our thoughts and ideas are insignificant. "It's not that great of an idea anyway. Someone else has probably already thought of it before. I can always remember it later… maybe. It's not important."I don't mean to sound cliché, but what if people like Benjamin Franklin, or Albert Einstein, or Abraham Lincoln had thought that way? Would we be where we are today? Only God knows. But just think of how many people are inspired by simple things every day. You don't have to be a Martin Luther King Jr. to inspire people. Chances are, someone will be inspired by your creation. A girl sees a leaf and takes a photograph of it. Weeks later a friend of a friend on Facebook sees the picture in her photos and is completely awestricken. A little boy is at the beach and picks up a stick and draws a picture in the sand of his mother. Minutes later a woman walks by with her dog and is reminded of her own son away college. A tear leaves her face as she walks on. These are very specific examples, but I'm just trying to say that creations and expressions are always beautiful. If you feel inspired and need to express it, then you better find a way. Because when you do, it will be beautiful. The mind and soul are beautiful things. And beautiful things come from them when the two are connected and inspired. We can create beautiful things if we let ourselves. So let yourself create. Express. Do. Be a beautiful inspiration.

Trust is Dying

Trust is Dying...

and I'm the one who's killing him. I thought that I could blame all of the friends that betrayed Trust, but I can't. If they betrayed me, they weren't my real friends in the first place. I let Trust believe they were my friends. I let Trust believe those guys respected me. I am killing Trust.

I need to heal Trust. I need to heal him before Rage takes over. I need to heal Trust so I can start having healthy relationships. Relationships where I don't let Trust confide in them too much, nor too little. I need to heal. I need to realize that people will come and go, and that I need to enjoy their company while they choose to give it. People may choose to leave, and I need to stop taking it personally. I need to heal. I need to revive Trust.

Up and Down

Up, down, up, down...
happy, sad, happy, sad...
in control, out of control...
black, white...
hot, cold...
I'm like a leaf in the fall... I became unattatched from my tree and now im floating
in a never ending whilling falling rollercoaster....
Rise, fall, rise, fall, rest... rise, fall, rise. fall...
Can I just stay the same for a little while?
I hate changing all the time...
Why can't I just be normal...
Why can't I just let things go...
Why...
I don't know why and I guess I never will...

Fast

My thoughts are racing. my mind is spinning. so many thoughts. too many. how do i stop them? how can i? they just keep coming. like an endless stretch of road that i speed down at 100mph. i want to slow down. i can't. i've tried for so long to just slow down but i just keep going. i'm on a motorcycle that just wont stop. i try and i try to hit the brakes but they don't work...

i can't stop...

i have to...

before i crash...

help

photograph by Abbey Reed